He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
