I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
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you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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