I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
