I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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