god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
