if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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