Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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