Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
