This girl is more easily done than said...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
