90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
