Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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