Please, let me fuck your mom
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
