happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
