i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
