There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
