It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize