I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dear god my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
