goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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