you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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