I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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