That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
operation have a gay friend backfired
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
