Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
