my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
