Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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