I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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