Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
