I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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