she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
