Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
