I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.