Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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