Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
