ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
