she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
