well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
