our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
