My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
