even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
