I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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