Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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