So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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