Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
