My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My bed smells like the plague
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
