If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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