Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
