My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
