i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
