Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
