it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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