I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
