This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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