She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
