saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
