No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
