Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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