So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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