On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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